Keeping up with Kay

Fall is officially here, which means it’s time for oversized sweaters, overpriced seasonal beverages, and convincing ourselves that buying a new candle somehow constitutes getting our lives together. In the spirit of the season, I’ve decided to share 20 pieces of completely unsolicited life advice. What qualifies me to give this advice? An excellent question, and one I will not be taking at this time. These are simply things I’ve picked up over the years, ranging from genuinely useful habits to opinions I hold with an arguably unnecessary amount of conviction. So, grab your pumpkin spice latte (or whatever beverage is currently providing you emotional support) and enjoy this rather unorganized collection of wisdom.

Never underestimate the power of a little treat.

Sometimes all it takes to turn a bad day around is an overpriced coffee, a sweet treat, or a little something you absolutely did not need from Target. Will it solve all your problems? Probably not. But sometimes a $7 latte is enough to convince me that life is beautiful again, and frankly, I’m not here to question that science.

Take the picture. Even if you look ridiculous.

Take the blurry pictures, the unflattering selfies, and the ones where nobody is looking at the camera. Someday, you’ll be grateful to have those little moments captured, even if you currently think your hair looks terrible. Besides, nobody ever looked back on a picture of themselves genuinely laughing and wished they’d spent more time fixing their posture. Well, maybe occasionally, but you get the point.

You can leave the house just to get coffee.

Not every outing needs a purpose, a to-do list, or some grand adventure attached to it. Sometimes you just need to put on a cute outfit, drive to your favorite coffee shop, and pretend you’re the main character in a movie for approximately 25 minutes. Bonus points if you take the scenic route home, roll the windows down, and dramatically sing along to a song like you’re starring in your own film.

A bad 5 minutes doesn’t have to become a bad day.

You spilled your coffee, hit every red light, and somehow managed to get stuck behind the one person in town who believes the speed limit is merely a suggestion. Annoying? Absolutely. Grounds for declaring the entire day a disaster? Probably not. Sometimes you have to just roll your eyes, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that the universe is not, in fact, personally conspiring against you.

Be embarrassingly enthusiastic about the things you love.

If something makes you happy, let it make you happy. Personally, I could probably give a TED Talk on cruise ships, will happily talk your ear off about some bizarre surgery I’ve seen, and firmly believe that almost any song can be improved with a good EDM remix. My music taste says European music festival, but my bedroom aesthetic says retired grandmother with an impressive collection of vintage frames and a standing afternoon tea appointment. Do any of these interests have anything to do with one another? Absolutely not. But that’s what makes people interesting. I think there’s something wonderful about watching someone light up when they talk about something they genuinely love, no matter how niche or ridiculous it might seem. Life is far too short to pretend you’re too cool to get excited about things.

Never trust yourself when you say, “I’ll remember that.”

You won’t. Write it down. I have a running list in my Notes app for practically everyone I buy gifts for, because I’ve learned that when someone casually mentions something they want in July, there is absolutely no chance I’m going to remember it come December. So, I write it down right then and there, whether it’s something they pointed out in a store or mentioned in passing. Somehow, my brain can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard since 2010, but remembering what someone wanted for Christmas four months ago? Apparently, that’s where we draw the line.

The walk you don’t feel like taking is usually the one you need.

I don’t know what it is about fresh air and moving your legs, but sometimes a walk does more for your mood than another hour of sitting around thinking about everything. You don’t need a destination, step goal, or even a particularly scenic route. Just put your shoes on, go outside, and let your brain get some air. And if you happen to see a cute dog along the way, well, that’s just a bonus.

Always have something to look forward to.

I’m a firm believer i having something on the calendar that makes you a little giddy, even if it’s something completely insignificant to anyone else. Personally, I think half the fun of making plans is the anticipation leading up to them. I can turn an upcoming dinner reservation into a highly anticipated social event, complete with outfit considerations, menu research, and approximately 16 declarations of “I literally cannot wait”. Whether it’s a concert, weekend getaway, or a random Wednesday night with absolutely no obligations, give yourself something to count down to. And yes, I will be checking how many days are left as if the event is going to arrive any faster.

Don’t make important decisions when you’re hungry.

I firmly believe there is a version of every person that exists before they’ve eaten, and that version should not be trusted with major life decisions. Suddenly, everything is irritating, everyone is annoying, and the world seems to be falling apart. Before you decide to quit your job, move across the country, or send that dramatic text, perhaps try a sandwich.

If you don’t know what you’re doing, walk confidently.

Sometimes you just have to gaslight yourself into believing you are the most confident person in the room. Stand up straight, put your shoulders back, and walk like you know exactly where you’re going, even if you have absolutely no idea. It’s the same idea as striking a Superman pose before doing something nerve-wracking. Whether or not standing like a superhero actually gives you superpowers is debatable, but sometimes acting confident is enough to help you start feeling that way. And if you do end up walking in the wrong direction, just look at your phone and turn around like that was the plan all along.

Sometimes the solution is to go to bed.

This advice I am very much still learning to take myself. For some reason, my brain seems to believe that 11:47 PM is the ideal time to reevaluate my entire existence, solve problems that haven’t happened yet, and revisit conversations from three weeks ago. But seriously, what exactly am I going to accomplish at 11:47 PM that can’t wait until morning? Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is close your eyes, tell your brain to clock out, and let tomorrow-you handle it.

Buy the flowers.

Stop waiting for someone to buy you flowers or for a special occasion to justify doing something nice for yourself. Buy the flowers, light the candle, use the fancy mug, and wear the outfit you’ve been saving. Yes, the flowers will eventually die, but so will the lettuce sitting in the back of your refrigerator, and that hasn’t stopped you from buying it. Life is too short to save every little joy for a special occasion.

Give people a little grace.

I’ve come to realize that not every minor inconvenience is a personal attack, despite what my inner monologue might suggest. The person taking an eternity in front of me at the grocery store probably isn’t doing it specifically to ruin my afternoon. Everyone has their own things going on behind the scenes, and most of the time, we have absolutely no idea what those things are. So before assuming the worst about someone, give them a little grace. Unless they’re standing directly in the middle of the grocery aisle with their cart sideways. I’m still working on that one.

Celebrate the little things.

You don’t need to wait until you’ve accomplished something monumental to celebrate yourself. Finished a difficult week? Celebrate. Finally made that appointment you’ve been putting off for months? Celebrate. Folded the laundry before it became a permanent fixture of your bedroom? Honestly, somebody get the confetti. Life is made up of a whole lot more ordinary Tuesdays than extraordinary milestones, so we might as well make some of those Tuesdays worth celebrating.

Call your people.

Call your mom, text your best friend, check in on your grandparents, or send someone a simple “How are you?” just because they crossed your mind. You don’t need a special occasion, an important announcement, or even a particularly good reason to reach out. Sometimes the smallest gesture can make someone’s entire day, and it takes all of ten seconds to send a text. If you’re thinking about someone, let them know. There’s really no downside to reminding people that they’re loved.

Everyone should have a signature dish.

Everyone needs at least one dish they can make exceptionally well. It doesn’t have to be fancy or require a culinary degree, just something you can confidently bring to a gathering knowing people will ask for the recipe. Ideally, it becomes your thing, the dish people specifically request when you’re invited somewhere. And when someone inevitably asks for your secret ingredient, you can smile mysteriously as though the recipe has been passed down through generations, even if you originally found it on Pinterest at 11 PM. Bonus points if you give it an unnecessarily sophisticated name.

Put your wildly ambitious dreams somewhere you can see them.

In high school I had a vision board that included things like Chief of Surgery and captain of a college gymnastics team. Apparently, teenage me had some pretty big plans and absolutely no concerns about the logistics. As it turns out, I did go on to become a college gymnast, and now I’m pursuing a career in medicine with hopes of becoming a surgeon, so maybe she was onto something. These days, my vision board lives on Pinterest, but the idea is the same; give yourself something to work toward, even if it feels a little ridiculous to say out loud. Sometimes the first step toward doing something is having the audacity to imagine yourself doing it. A healthy amount of delusion never hurt anyone, right?

When in doubt, become a starfish.

Recently, I’ve started doing something I call “starfish time”, which is exactly as glamorous as it sounds: I lie flat on my back on the floor with my arms and legs out, close my eyes, and do absolutely nothing for five minutes. I usually do this before bed because my brain has an inconvenient habit of treating bedtime like a mandatory meeting to discuss every unresolved issue in my life. Instead, I focus on my breathing, occasionally wiggle my fingers and toes, and give myself permission to just exist for five minutes. I can’t explain it, but there’s something about lying on the floor like a stranded marine animal that really does feel like hitting a reset button. Highly recommend. Five stars for starfish time.

Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Talk to the stranger, ask the question, or volunteer for the thing that makes you a little nervous. We spend so much time waiting to feel confident before doing something, when confidence often comes from doing it in the first place. I recently came across a video that described those butterflies in your stomach and that fluttering in your chest as your body’s internal applause, and I thought that was such a beautiful way to look at it. Maybe those butterflies aren’t always a warning to turn around; maybe sometimes they’re just your body giving you a little standing ovation for being brave enough to try. So, take the chance, even if your internal audience is getting a little rowdy.

Life is allowed to be fun.

Somewhere between work, responsibilities, and remembering to buy toilet paper, it’s easy to forget what we are also supposed to be having a good time. So make the silly joke, dance around your kitchen, take the spontaneous trip, and laugh when things don’t go according to plan. Not everything needs to be productive, practical, or particularly impressive. Sometimes doing something simply because it’s fun is reason enough.

And there you have it: 20 pieces of unsolicited advice ranging from pursuing your wildest ambitions to lying motionless on the floor like a starfish. A surprisingly comprehensive guide to being a functioning human, if you ask me. Will any of this change your life? Unclear. Will you potentially remember to write down your Christmas gift ideas, buy yourself some flowers, or reconsider having an existential crisis before dinner? I certainly hope so.

In any case, I hope you found something worth taking with you, even if it’s just the reassurance that lying on the floor is a perfectly respectable evening activity.

Thanks for keeping up with Kay.